Finally!

Boy, I’ll tell you what!!! If I was as popular in high school as I am now I never would have spent a Saturday night alone!
Let me just fill you in…you see I am a Mother of two wonderful boys and I have been married for a little over twenty years. In all this time, for almost 20 years I have never really been alone. Really…it’s true!
Please don’t think I am complaining, I know how important family is and how many parents can’t get their kids to speak to them or how spouses grow apart over the years. I am thrilled to death I don’t have any of those problems. The only problem I do seem to have is just the opposite….I can’t get a moment alone! EVER!
Let’s say I want to read a book in the living room, well, I get about two pages in before, “Mom! Get him out of my room!” or “What are you reading? Can you read me a story?” Which of course, I do, the whole time grousing internally about how I never get a moment alone.
It’s the same for watching television, playing on the computer, writing in my journal, etc. If I am not breaking up a fight I am spending my time listening, participating, being engaged.
What about your husband? You may be asking yourself, where he is all this time. Well, he is usually right there with me also engaged in child rearing. Great, right? Not so much really…..here is another example for you.
Me- Wow, honey what a day! Kids, work! Boy I need to clear my head! I think I’ll take the dogs for a walk.
Him – Great idea! Let’s go for a run together! While we are out I can bounce some ideas off you for work! You are so good at listening!
Me-Great.

Do I sound ungrateful? Probably so…..but know this, if anything happened to a single one of my dear ones, I could not go on. So I am begging you not to judge me too harshly.
Sidebar–I just had one child ask me if they could get on the computer now–they really did have hours to get on before I got home. Another child just came up to show me a toy he has had since last Christmas, for some reason he wants to share now. And my husband just asked if I would be much longer because he wants to know if I want to water the yard with him!
Seriously!!!!
What is it about me being alone that drives these people insane!

Here is a sick fantasy for you….are you ready…because it is going to be a bad one!
In my fantasy it is raining outside…I drive home realizing when I get there that not only are my husband and kids gone at some wonderful sporting event that will last for hours, but the dogs have already been walked and fed. Wait! It gets better! The cat has suddenly lost it’s desire to be let out and in every 7 seconds and my phone, while still good for emergency calls, has inexplicably lost connection to the satellite.
Being a fantasy I have also had a call from the doctor telling me that I have an extremely fast metabolism and I must, must eat highly salted and caloric foods constantly to keep my strength up. Lest we forget I have also been diagnosed with a strange disorder that can only be controlled by consuming large quantities of red wine. So my wonderful husband has stocked the pantry with all kinds of goodies- to keep me out of the hospital, of course!
So there I am, eating, drinking, able to sit down for hours at a time- when- wham! I realize that Turner Classic Movies is having an all night Russell Crowe marathon! And I can watch! Yea! Oh, wait! There is also a stack of those really wonderfully, trashy romance novels that I always want to buy and read, but I never do because I end up buying whatever is on the NY Times bestseller list and hating every minute of it! But the trashy novels are there and I can read them without fear of repercussion! Yes! Yes! I’ll sleep in and skip church! I’ll forget the damn laundry! Yes! Yes! Slowly I am drifting out to sea–a sea of wild abandon!

This fantasy has just been interrupted by a child telling me he just threw up—oh, well, gotta go!

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About mhaynes43

Author or Wharton Rectory, Revelation at St. Dominics. Contributor to Dark and Dangerous Things - I, II & III
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One Response to Finally!

  1. loisasmith says:

    You have my sympathy. I do think you’re made for that sort of life though…whereas I would have long since been in a mental institution…LOL. I don’t think you could handle my 3 or 4 days of solitude a week any more than I could handle the constant loving attention of your family. I hope they know how lucky they are to have you! I’m very glad that I get a little share of you as well.

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