It’s 1:15 AM and once again I’m faced with the prospect of little or no sleep. Ever since I started moving to get everything in place, I haven’t been sleeping. I must be averaging about three hours a night over the last few weeks. My mind is too active. I need quiet inside my head. Since I’m scattered, I thought I’d try to do a sort of stream of consciousness. So here we go.
I sent the deposit for my surgery this morning. Why haven’t they emailed me yet? Did I mess it up?
Zooey Deschanel is cute and talented, so why does she bug me so much?
Thank you, whoever invented the DVR. Genius!!
Herb. Me want.
I’m getting really sick of this ‘I only have a car lighter phone charger’.
What’s up with the Cubs?
Usually, I look in the mirror and all I see is “fat” and “male”. I was fat for so long, it’s hard to tell where my gender dysphoria ends and my body dysmorphia begins. I’m not fishing for compliments. The good part is that every once in a while now, when I look in the mirror, I can see it.
I love her.
I need to figure out how to advocate more for the trans community. I wish I had a clue about what to do. I suppose I could pitch a story for a news show or something, but that seems a bit like self-aggrandizement.
I truly suck at makeup application. I need a makeup guru.
How the hell am I going to get unstuck in my book? Why do I suddenly have a problem writing violent scenes? Weird.
77 Days until “the” day. 11 weeks.
Jack White has a new release? I hope it’s good. I wish The White Stripes were still around.
I wish “I Dream of Jeannie” was still on. Well, at least the bare midriff years.
How the hell am I going to get my book out there for people to read? Will they actually like it if I do get some kind of distribution?
Day 6, no carbs.
I want to ride elephants in Thailand!!
Bisexuality is really not great. Most people think it’s just about sex…it isn’t. My sexuality is like a giant, very slow moving pendulum. It was swung way over to men, but a few assholes later and I’m into girls again. *sigh*
I hope everyone comes to my weenie roast. I know it’s a self-created event, but I want my friends to celebrate with me.
Is there yogurt?
That’s enough of a window into my chaotic mind. It’s now almost 2 AM and I guess I’ll watch a DVRed episode of “Burn Notice”. I remain, as always, The Zozo. Nighty night.