It’s been a while, hasn’t it? But then you may not have noticed…LOL.
What have I been up to, you ask? Ok, so you didn’t ask. I’ll tell you anyway. I’ve been waiting. Actually, I’ve been waiting for a very long time, but recent events have hinted that my wait was getting ready to be over.
Now it is. I’m homeless. Finally!
Confused? Do I sound just a bit too elated for someone who has just had her house sold out from under her? Don’t worry, I’ll explain. Hell, if Zoe can bare her private life and intimate thoughts and feelings, I guess I can give it a try as well.
I guess I should start at the beginning. I was a very happy, smiley baby, so my Mother tells me. What? Too far back? Ok, we’ll skip to a relevant time period….about 5 years ago. I had a dream….
I wanted my own business. Lots of people want that right? Well, I let my wants cloud my judgment and instead of waiting till the time was right, I manipulated things, compromised, and ended up with a business I wasn’t completely satisfied with and it failed. Big time. I was left in a financial mess. The failed business caused an already tense relationship with Timothy (my life partner at the time) to get even worse. Bills went unpaid. I struggled to just to pay the basics.
Timothy, who I think sensed the eminent ending of our relationship, began to help out less and less, holding his money back for his inevitable departure. Sure enough, a year later, he found a lovely woman who was nice enough to come get him and take him back home with her to Illinois. As ready as I was for him to leave, it surprised me that it actually hurt and I had a moment of “what have I done?”
Life goes on though, doesn’t it? A week later and I was enjoying my freedom again. I joined a writing group (one of my best decisions EVER). I joined a pen pal site (and met one of my best friends EVER). I had my life back.
I was still struggling financially though. My money problems were still there. I couldn’t see a way out. It was overwhelming and I have to say, much like an ostrich, I buried my head in the sand…and waited. Eventually, my waiting led to my wages being garnished. That led to me being unable to make my house payment. Still, I had no idea what to do, so I waited.
In the meantime, I started to realize something. It was just a house. It was a “thing”. It wasn’t the end of the world if I lost it. I looked back and saw how hard I struggled to make ends meet so I could keep my house. I didn’t really want to go back to that. I realized I was ready to let go…move on…start over. I was ready for a new beginning. I just had to wait.
Yesterday, my waiting was over. My house was auctioned off. I was lucky enough to have a family member, my niece, win the bid on it. I’m very happy for her and glad that the house and property will stay in the family. I admit to feelings of sympathy for her as she has never owned a house before and has no idea what she’s getting herself into. She’s young though. She’ll figure it all out…just like I did. Maybe she’ll decide it’s all worth it.
As for me, I have different dreams. So much has happened “inside” me in the last few years. I’ve learned so much about myself and life and the world I live in. I’ve got to travel and see some of that world. I have plans to see more of it too. Carpe Diem!
So, yes, I guess I am elated. Like a caterpillar who has been stuck in her cocoon for way too long, I’m finally breaking free of what holds me back and starting a new life…a different life. I feel free. My waiting is over. I have no idea what awaits me in this sequel but like the Harry Potter fan I used to be, eagerly awaiting the next book, I can’t wait to find out.
I read a lovely quote once that struck a chord in me….”You can’t have roots and wings at the same time.”
I’ve uprooted myself. Let’s see how my wings work!